To Be or Not to Be?
by 911ost at sea
Summary: Adam knows he's a boy. But his body didn't get the memo and after one horrific night the pink plus sign appears and Adam's life is changed forever. He is soon torn between becoming a girl for the sake of his child or giving up on it completely.
1. Intro

The whole incident had happened weeks ago, a little over a month even, but there where still times when the memory of it seemed more real to Adam than the day it happened. This was one of those nights.

He lye awake in his bed staring at the shadows of the lamp beside his bed which threw circles up on his ceiling. _Just focus on the light, _he told himself, _this will pass. _And indeed, he knew it would. But the time it took in between the waves of nausea was almost more that he could bear.

Thin beads of perspiration layered his forehead and he cringed as another pain rolled through his torso. He groaned, rolling onto his side. His sweating persisted, but he refused to kick off his sheets. It was safe under the sheets. With the covers tucked in around his neck he almost hidden. Almost. But not quite enough. He wiggled his arm out of the cocoon he had wrapped himself in and reached for another blanket which he tossed over his head, concealing his body completely.

_There, _He thought, _Perfect_

_

* * *

_Tell me your thoughts. :) -911ost at sea


	2. Pancakes

In some unhealthy state of delirium, Adam finally coaxed his body to sleep. His dreams however were plagued with memories of that forbidden night and it was like experiencing it all over again in little pieces. His mind fast forwarding and pausing where the night got most..._intense..._

_"Gracie come on! Come get in the picture!" Rachael called, waving Adam over. _

_Adam backed away, his face becoming flush. "No, really. You two go on, I'll wait over here." _

_Rachael and Amy exchanged glances but decided not to push the subject. They ran over to the keg placed in the back of Amy's Truck and posed provocatively for the camera. Rachael arched her knee against the back of the tire, exposing her near perfect thighs. Adam blushed, trying to hide his face under his hat but he could do little with his hair tied back in a ponytail the way it was. _

_The boy taking the picture swayed with his beer bottle, snapping the picture of Adam's too best friends. The guy's hands shook as the camera flashed and Adam was sure that the picture would turn out blurry. But then again the whole night was just one big blur so it might not have mattered if the kid's hands were shaking or not..._

BEEP  
BEEP

BEEP

Adam's head shot up off his pillow. His face sticky with newly formed sweat and a horrible aching sensation tugged at the back of his eyes. His stomach turned as he began to sit up and he placed his head in his hands in order to stop the room from spinning. He felt hung over. No, he felt worse than hung over, he felt like he had been beaten up. Every part of his body throbbed like a giant pulse and he wondered whether or not it was possible for his skin to melt.

He was _stifling_.

This was way too bad to be cramps, and now that he thought of it, he was over two weeks late. He didn't have much time to dwell on the matter before his stomach gave a violent lurch and he darted to the bathroom.

He had his head halfway down the toilet when he sensed Drew watching him from the doorway.

"I know mom's not the best cook but she's not _that_ bad." He said, half joking, half serious.

Adam kneeled against the seat, whipping the sides of his mouth, "I haven't been feeling too hot lately."

"You want me to tell mom you're staying home from school?"

Adam gulped, trying to suppress the awful acidy taste lining the sides of his throat, "No. No I'll be fine. I just got to get this out of my system." The idea of staying home with his mother was even more frightening than school, and besides class was a good distraction. He didn't want to be left alone with his thoughts for any long period of time; he never knew where his mind might wander. But when he was studying in school and with all that cramming for the Science Olympics, there was barley a moment when his mind wasn't trying to solve some chemical equation or complex formula.

Drew nodded, "I know what you mean. I get that way during football practice. Sometimes you just got to get it out and get it over with. Be tough, you know. Like real men."

Adam tried for a smile, but he feared he would barf again if he opened his mouth too wide.

Drew yawned, "Well come downstairs when you're done with...you know, this. Mom made pancakes."

The smell of pancakes suddenly enveloped Adam's brain and he spewed chunks of unrecognizable food into the toilet again. He contracted his stomach muscles, willing himself to hold back as yet another spasm erupted in his chest.

He flushed the toilet and leaned against the sink for support. Odd, he used to love pancakes, but for some reason he couldn't even stomach the thought of them now.

His hands felt clammy as he ran them under the cold water. God the cold felt good. The cold had always felt good to him, ever since that night. He even took cold showers. It seemed as thought hot ones didn't do the trick any more and it became normal for him to take a bath in near freezing water. But no matter how cold or hot the temperature was, he never managed to feel entirely clean. He had begun to believe that he may never feel clean again.

He splashed the water across his face and brought a few handfuls up to his extremely parched mouth. After dabbing his cheeks with a towel he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. But it wasn't him. He didn't recognize this person.

Since he had become Adam, it had been that when he looked in a mirror he would see a quick flash of Gracie staring back at him, but now it was as though he had become someone else entirely. And instead of just a brief flicker, the image in the mirror stuck. It moved as he moved, breathed as he breathed, but it was in no way the Adam he had come to see himself as. He was a mere shadow, a shedded layer of skin off an unclean desert snake. And as he turned to the side, the sweat of his T-shirt clung to his skin accentuating the outline of his breasts and he wanted nothing more than to crawl out of his body and into one that fit who he really was inside.

His body was a traitor. An unchanging, backstabbing, traitor. The battle that raged between his mind and body was like two freight trains constantly colliding, neither ever winning but both coming out extremely damaged. He rubbed his temples, the queasiness in his stomach subsiding slightly.

The image of Rachael flashed in his mind and the nausea was back just as quickly as it left. He sighed heavily, breathing in more than just air, but the weight of all his problems. He felt it fill his lungs and get pumped into his heart. He couldn't handle much more of this torture. All the flashbacks and the memories that he had tried hard to erase seemed more like pictures engraved in his skin.

He closed his eyes against the flow of memories. Rachael and Amy and Tyler. The laughter, the tilting, almost shaking. And the Red. The red haze of chaos that made the images twist and slat, never focusing on one person or object for longer than a few seconds until it was just a bunch of disembodied faces dancing across Adam's memory.

_Why did I go to the stupid party anyway? _He asked himself, a frightful chill running up his spine,_ I didn't even want to...I didn't want to...I didn't fucking want to!_

...Oh god...

Suddenly Adam felt himself heave forward as the remaining contents of his stomach were released into the sink.

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A/N: I know, not all that intresting of a chapter but i have some very, VERY, big plans for this story! Yeah! But be warned, there will be some content that calls for a certain level of maturity from readers, but i'mpretty imature myself and i'm still pretty pumped for this story! :) This was probably the only time i'm going to say the fuck in the story...thats not a nice word. haha, but in this case, it's necessary.

Please review :)


	3. Warning signs

_"Ugh, What is that smell?" _

Mrs. Torres turned around as she heard her son walking down the stairs, "What smell?"

Adam clamped his hands over his nose, utterly repulsed by the unidentified aroma. "You can't possibly tell me you don't smell that. It's _horrible_!"

Drew—who had been hastily scarffing down his breakfast—looked up from his plate, "I don't smell anything."

Adam gagged, his stomach threatening to retch all over the floor, "You two have got to be kidding me. It's like someone shoved a rotting corpse in the air vent."

Mrs. Torres shook her spatula in the air, the small wrinkles above her eyes furrowing slightly, "Don't even kid about such things Adam, now stop playing around and eat some breakfast."

Adam reluctantly took a seat beside Drew, the putrid fumes growing a bit stronger in his nostrils. His mother slide a stack of pancakes across the table but Adam could hardly stand to look at them let alone consume them. He pushed his food aside leaning over towards Drew, "You take it man. I'm not hungry."

"Okay." Drew replied, snatching the plate away before Adam had even finished his sentence.

Adam folded his arms, leaning back in his chair coolly to try and mask the fact that his eyes were beginning tear up. _What the hell, _He thought. He just had to focus on something. That's what he did whenever he was afraid or annoyed or facing any kind overwhelming emotion. He just needed an object to focus on, something to help ease the pain as he waited it out. But that smell. That horrible smell. It was becoming unbearable. He could almost taste it in his mouth all thick and musty like smoke rising from a burning pot of entrails. It stung his eyes causing them to water.

Drew must have taken notice to this because he nudged Adam jokingly, "You're seriously crying over a stupid smell?"

Adam bowed his head to hide his hand as his wiped the corners of his eyes, "I'm _not_ crying." He spat, "God, it just reeks of old gym cloths in here."

"Well I have my football gear sitting out on the back porch, but you can't smell that from here."

Adam got up and walked to the back door. He had barley opened it an inch when the vile odor poured in though the crack, enveloping the air around him, clouding his thoughts and hazing his vision. He shut the door quickly, doubling over on the floor, hand shielding his mouth to prevent the flow of vomit. When he felt it was safe to breath, he took in deep gulps of air, "That—was defiantly—it." He said between gasps.

Drew watched with concern as his brother restabilized himself against the wall. He shook his head doubtfully, "That's impossible Adam, there's no way you could smell that from all the way over here."

"Drew's right Adam," Mrs. Torres interjected, "You're brother and I don't smell anything and we're all in the same room." She wiped her hands on the dish towel then went over to her son, covering the space between the stove and the door in three defiant strides. She looked at Adam with a mixture of worry and frustration as she placed her palm on his forehead, "You're not running a fever again are you?" She pursed her lips, "A minor one, I can feel it. I told you to take better care of yourself Adam. All these weeks you've done nothing but lye in your room with your door locked and the lights off, I can only imagine what kinds of awful effects that can have on your health."

Adam felt a bubble of anger form in his chest, replacing his nausea. He slapped her hand away from his face, "I'm fine," He hissed, pushing past her and grabbing his school bag. He flung it over his shoulder, making his way to the front door.

"Adam," His mother called, "Where are you going? It's too early to be going to school yet."

"Well I'm going anyway." Adam replied, not even bothering to look over his shoulder to address her, "besides, you're the one who thinks I should get out more."

Truthfully, he had no idea where he was going as he stormed off down the street. He really didn't care. He needed to get out of the house. Somewhere far away from it all, away from Drew, from his patronizing mother, even from him room which still reflected the essence of a girl's despite his tremendous effort to redecorate. But most of all he wanted to get away from himself. His random bursts of anger, the flashbacks that he saw every time he closed his eyes, and the degrading feeling he got when ever he was forced to see himself in his true flesh, only watered the seed of him self loathing. He had to run away, somewhere where he could start a whole new life. The only problem was that there was no place far enough...

He waited out by the picnic tables after school. Nervous energy working it's way up his torso as he paced restlessly.

2:01. She wasn't coming. He knew it. _God, _He thought, _How could I be stupid enough to think she'd come to see _me _of all people. Why did she want to see me anyway? I bet her and Rachael are watching me right now, having themselves a good laugh about this. _He groaned, running a hand through his mangled hair in an attempt to subdue his mounting anger. _Just focus. _

The trees nearby swayed in the breeze. He watched them attentively, trying to redirect his emotions to there rhythm. They slanted and swung loosely with the wind, submitting themselves to which ever way it blew. Forever moving..._a picture suddenly flashed over Adam's eyes and he saw Rachael standing before him, clad in her black sneakers and mini skirt, giggling as she unknowingly tilted back on her heels. Just as she began to descend a tall brown haired boy named Tyler swept in beside her, catching her as she struggled to regain her balance. Drops of beer from her cup splashing onto the dewy grass. _

_"Close one." Tyler said, his smile reflecting the same depth and sincerity of Rachael's. _

_Adam—though he was Gracie at the time—watched the scene play out from afar like he was witnessing a car crash in slow motion. And right there something must have burst inside him because he turned on the spot, suddenly filled with a new found courage. He knew he had to make his move. It was now or never. _

"Gracie?" A small voice snapped him out of his illusive trance. Sometime within the few moments of his flashback he had managed to sit himself down on the bench and now a familiar red haired girl was sitting beside him. Not directly beside him, but a foot or so away as if she was unsure about something, wary almost, as you would if you were approaching a mentally unstable individual.

Looking a bit beside herself she cooed once more, "Gracie?"

It was sad that Adam still answered to that name. The one he so potently loathed. But he had gotten rather used to it. Even in his own house he found that it was nearly impossible to evade hearing his family mistake him for his former self. Drew would casually slip up on it from time to time, brushing it off like it was just a trifling detail that held no significant meaning. His mother on the other hand, called him Gracie quite frequently. She insisted it was purely unintentional but Adam knew she was really acting out of some feeble hope that she might one day see her daughter again. It was a desire she so desperately clung to and Adam just didn't have the heart to tear that away from her just yet. So for now, he had trained himself to answer to both names.

Amy inspected him for any sign of a response. When his head turned and a thin, forced smile crept across his face, Amy looked relieved. She sighed like she had been holding her breath, "Oh good, I was afraid...never mind."

Adam knew what she was going to say. She was going to say that she wasn't sure it was really him at first. This was the first time she had seen him without the ponytail and bra. "...Amy." He said stupidly, trying to convince himself that she was really there.

Amy faked a laugh, "Yes. It's been so long Gracie—h" She paused, her face beaming bright red. She placed her hands in her lap gently, "I'm sorry. It's..."

"It's Adam." He offered, sensing her embarrassment.

She gave him a grateful smile, "Sorry. It's going to take me a while to get used to that...Well you look good, Adam." Her lips curling around his name like she was pronouncing a foreign word.

"Thanks." He said Curtly.

There was a long period of silence where neither of them spoke, they just examined each other up down as if they were both in disbelief of the each others presence.

Finally Adam folded his arms across his chest, deciding to take the reigns of the situation. "So spit it out."

"Huh?" Amy said a bit off guard.

"You asked me to meet you here and I'm here. Now did you have an actual purpose for this meeting or are you going to stare me down the whole time?"

Amy's lips thinned, "I do have a reason for coming."

"And that is?" Adam spat, seizing the advantage he had over the conversation.

"...I wanted...I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Adam's face softened. He hadn't expected that. "You did?" He asked doubtfully.

"Of course I did."

"Well I'm fine." He insisted, "Honestly, I barley remember that night anyway. I was probably just drunk. Didn't know what I was doing and got carried away. But I'm fine. Really." The words tasted foul on his tongue, doused in an acidy layer of lies.

His act failed to deceive Amy. She was always very conscientious when it came to picking up on others emotions and her talent didn't disappoint as she could see that Adam was lying straight through his teeth. Yet she still spoke with that delicate tone she was so well known for, "I know it must be hard for you, and with your move and all I was surprised when you agreed to see me. I was sure that you had thrown away any details of your old life and tossed me along with them, and frankly I wouldn't blame you if you did."

Adam shook his head, "I have nothing against you Amy. After all, you were my best friend."

She reached over and touched his hand warmly, "You still _are_ my best friend."

Adam blew air out of the corner of his mouth, obviously not very comforted by her gesture.

"So are Rachael and Tyler…a thing now?" He wanted to kick himself the moment her name passed his lips. Why did he have to bring her up? Why couldn't he just keep her buried in his memory like she should be?

Amy leaned back, she smile fading as she said, "Sadly yes."

"Oh…"

Amy nodded in agreement, "I know, he's such a douche."

Adam nearly choked. Had he not been there to hear her say it, he probably wouldn't have believed it. It was very out of character for her to be so forward. Adam remembered the first time he heard her say 'shit' and he applauded her like it was some kind of monumental achievement.

"Did you just say douche?"

Amy blushed, her hair falling over his face in a vial of curls, "I suppose I did, didn't I? Well, it's the truth. Everyone knows it. I guess that's just the kind of guy Rachael's into though."

Adam sighed and slumped over on his knees, gazing at the dirt beneath his feet, "Yeah…"

Amy must have sensed his sadness because she scooted close beside him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Adam instinctively pulled away. He wasn't mush for being touched…not since that night. Amy retracted her hand with a sympathetic understanding.

"You never know." She said, half-heartedly, "She may come around."

Adam nodded appreciatively, but his found little reassurance in her words. She wasn't there when it happened. She didn't see the look on her face...

Amy chewed at her gums, contemplating what she was about to say next. "So…did you ever tell anyone?"

"About what?"

She stared into her lap, "About the rape?"

"Geez Amy don't say it so loud!" Adam snapped, though Amy's voice was barley even auditable. He looked over to make sure no one had heard her before saying, "No…I haven't."

Amy willed herself to look up at him, shrinking back into her shoulders like a child, "Adam, you really should tell—"

"No!" He banged his fist on the table to prevent himself from shouting. He gritted his teeth as another flashback threatened to rupture in his mind but he resisted the attack, too angry to let it take hold of him. "It's bad enough that you know about it. I don't need anyone else getting involved in my problems okay? I don't need it…I don't…I don't…"

His voice trailed off as a whiff of hotdogs from the concession stand blew across them. Adam immediately began to feel queasy, his stomach lurching like his insides were being sucked into a blender. He felt himself gag as he shot up, making it to the trash can just in time.

He had his face wedged between a pizza box and a melted sundae when Amy's shadow fell over him.

"Are you alright?" She asked, a sudden hint of urgency in her voice.

Adam straightened up, his hands shaking as he spit on the ground beside them, "It's this stupid cold I'm getting. I've been puking the whole week and I never feel any better. It's mostly when I smell something really bad but I swear this things heightened my senses because I can smell a corndog from a mile away now."

Amy mused at this for a minute. Her eyebrows slanting outward when she asked, "When you get sick, is it mostly in the morning?" She had a very sophisticated tone when she said it, like a doctor does when he's about to tell his patient the bad news.

Adam tilted his head, "Yeah, how'd you know that?"

Amy's face drained of all color, becoming more serious than Adam had ever seen her. She bent close to his ear, "Did you ever consider that you could be…_pregnant_…?"

* * *

A/N: Adams so oblivous to the signs. haha. sorry this took some time. it got erased today by my computer and I cried for like an hour before I could pull myself togther to rewrite it. it's up now, so _phew._ next chapter I will probably get some Eli and Clare involved...

Thanks for reading and remeber to Reveiw. 3- 911ost at sea


	4. The Blame Game

_Pregnant? _

The word didn't quite comprehend in Adam's brain. It simply dropped into his skull like a rock cutting through water, without ever reaching the bottom of the pond.

"What do you mean pregnant?" He asked bewildered.

Amy's eyes looked panicked and filled with anxiety, "Adam you and I both know what that kid did to you. I'm just saying that it's not out of the realm of possibility."

"_Yes it is_ _Amy_. I'm not...I mean I couldn't be..."

He felt woozy again and this time it had nothing to do with morning sickness. His mouth went dry and his face became numb. His skin began to tingle, giving off the illusion that he was both burning and freezing at the same time. He stumbled back a few steps, black spots dancing over his vision as he struggled to find his balance. _This can't be happening...it's not true..._He reached out for something to grab hold of. Anything. Anything to keep him from being consumed by the darkness that had started to gather around the rims of his pupils. But there was nothing. Nothing could stop him from falling...nothing could save him anymore...

...

..._Adam_

..._Adam_

It started as just a whisper. A faint voice echoing in the empty hallways of his mind. He heard it but refused to acknowledge its presence, after all it was safe here, down deep with in him where he didn't have to be Gracie or Adam or anybody at all. Why would he want to give that up so that he could go back to reality and face its painful truth? He couldn't remember what it was exactly, but he knew that something dreadful was waiting for him beyond the shade of darkness, something he so desperately wanted to go away, but if he couldn't make it go away then he'd make himself go away instead. Disappear if he could. Stay in the black emptiness. Alone forever...

...

...

Adams eyes opened before he could stop them and the darkness vanished along with his sense of security. He blinked and the world appeared before him. Amy's face lingered over him, a grey stretch of sky fanned out behind her drooping curls. He was no longer safe. He was so small to the world above, just another insignificant body taking up space in the atmosphere.

Amy's chest heaved as she let out a sigh of relief, "Grac—I mean Adam, you fainted, geez you scared me half to death. You can't get yourself worked up like this. Just look at you, you're about ten pounds under weight and you look like you haven't slept in weeks...if this is true Adam, then you need to take better care of yourself for the baby's sake."

_Baby_...It all came back to him now in one giant flood of realization. He bolted up into a sitting position causing Amy to topple backwards to avoid a collision. The sudden rush caused his head to throb but he ignored it. He was breathing heavily, the possibility was too much to handle. Too much to even fathom.

Adam scrambled to his feet, his thoughts racing through his head at a million miles a minute. "I have to go Amy." He said abruptly.

"What? Adam, you can't leave, what if—"

Adam waved his hands in the air frantically, as if he was swatting at invisible bees "No. No, no, no, I'm not. I'm not preg... I'm just not, okay? I have to go, Amy. I'm sorry, but I really have to go."

"Adam wait!" She called, but it was too late. He was already halfway down the block...

He wandered the streets. Turning left at the traffic light. Left, right, right, then left again. Going to so set destination, just simply going. The thick fog that had gathered around his head enabled his ability to think clearly, the same agonizing question swirling around his brain on a never ending scroll. _What if she's right?_

_But no, she couldn't be right. He was a guy. He was. He was. He was...this can't happen...it can't..._

He was still deep in thought when he felt someone grab his shoulder causing him to leap about three feet into the air.

"Woah, Adam it's me." Claire's tiny voice came from behind him.

He whirled around, his eyes wide with surprise, "Oh. Claire. Hey...what...what are you doing here?"

Claire raised her eyebrows skeptically, "Adam I live here. You're standing outside of my house."

Adam looked up at the tall grey building. How long had he been standing there, how long had Claire been watching? Adam coughed rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, "Oh, yeah, I was just walking...guess I must have ended up here by mistake..."

Claire picked up on the quivering uncertainty in his tone and took a step towards him, "Are you alright?" She asked, lowering her voice. Why did everyone have to ask him that? Did he really look like such a lost puppy or had he told people he was 'alright' so many times that they had become immune to his lies?

"I'm fine." Adam repeated stalely.

Claire shifted her weight onto her hip craning her neck to the side, "Are you sure, you've been acting strange all week and, no offense, but you don't look so good."

Adam felt his muscles tighten in his gut, and the veins his neck began to swell, throbbing against the surface of his skin. "I'm fine Claire!" He burst, "God, everything's fucking perfect!"

Claire looked taken back in fear. She whimpered "Adam I—"

"It's none of your business anyway! It's no ones god damn business but my own!" He raved, kicking her trash can so hard it flew across the street and collided with the bumper of a tan SUV. The sound of the car alarm rung out in the air but Adam was too worked up to care about it, "Why can't you just stay out of things? Especially when they don't even concern you! I don't know why Eli puts up with you! Now do us both a favor and keep your nose out of places it doesn't belong!"

Claire didn't even have time to retaliate before Adam turned away and stomped off around the corner. The car alarm screaming almost as loudly as Adam's heart...

...A few hours later, after he had cooled off, Adam found himself outside CVS. He stood in front of the doors, staring up at the big red letters and thinking that if he stayed there long enough the earth would stop it's rotation and give him the time he needed to think things through without Drew or Claire or Amy breathing down his neck.

He took a deep stabilizing breath, _Just take the test. It will prove that it's not true. Put all this chaos to rest..._

He closed his eyes and shoved his way through the door before he could talk himself out of it. He knew he had to do this, if only to prove the rest of the world wrong.

No one in the pharmacy looked up when he entered but he still felt like every eye in the store was watching him in secret. He swallowed hard into the back of his throat, his skin clamming up as he slipped into the third isle.

It's funny how the condoms were always next to the pregnancy tests, like they're showing you a before and after picture. Adams eyes shifted to the sides, making sure no one saw him as he quickly snatched the first pregnancy test on the shelf.

It could have been the crappiest one for all he knew. He didn't want to look at it. He just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

He hurried down the first isle and then swerved into the fourth when he saw a man lurking behind a rack of Slim Jims. Adam kept jumping isles as if he was trying to throw the other customers off his scent. By the time made it to the check out line he had inspected nearly every individual row.

Adam averted his eyes from the cashier as he slid the box across the counter. He could tell that the man was already assuming the worst when he grunted at him but Adam dare not look up to confirm it.

"Twelve twenty seven." He man mumbled, folding his massive arms across his belly.

Adam fumbled through the change in his pockets, his hands trembling violently. He slammed two dollars and six cents onto the table. "J—just one second." Adam told him as he searched his back pocket.

"Typical." The man scoffed.

Adam felt his fingers touch the edge of a ten dollar bill and a couple of unidentified coins. His quivering hand caused the money to spill out onto the floor. Adam gasped as he frantically scavenged the carpet for stray quarters.

"You missed one." A familiar voice chuckled from above him.

He looked up to see Drew holding out a nickel with a sneering pretty boy grin on his face.

Adam scrambled to his feet leaning his elbow against the counter to conceal the pregnancy test behind it. He blew a piece of hair out of his face, "Hey. W—what are you doing here?" He stuttered, struggling to maintain his cool.

"Some of the guys were meeting up at the dot after football practice; I was just running in here to grab some gum. Why are you here?"

"Uh, same."

The cashier banged his fists on the counter, "Hey, I said twelve twenty seven. Pay it or leave."

"Okay, either you're lying or that is some _very_ high quality gum." Drew snickered.

Panic began to rise throughout Adam's body as Drew tried to peer over his shoulder. He laughed jokingly, "Come on man, what is it really?"

"Nothing. It's nothing." Adam said immediately.

Drew ducked behind Adams arm, his football training becoming very apparent as he skillfully seized the box from the cashier. His smile faded at once, a look of confusion taking its place. "What do you need a pregnancy test for?"

Adam wanted to die. Right then and there. He hoped to god that by some miracle a truck would plow into the side of the building and kill him on impact.

But Adam knew he wasn't that lucky.

"It's for my friend." He stammered.

"Really?"

"Uh, yeah. She was too embarrassed to buy them herself so I told her I'd do it for her." Adam didn't know how the lie came to him so smoothly but he found it best not to question these things. He was getting out of this mess and that's all that mattered.

Drew glanced back at the box, seemingly satisfied with Adam's story until he asked, "What friend?"

"Huh?" Adam's heart sank.

"Which one of your little friends is prego?"

"I can't tell you that." His heart was pounding in his ears.

"You better. You can't keep juicy secrets like this from me."

"I can't."

"Come on."

"No."

Adam's pulse quickened.

"Adam tell me"

"I can't!"

He was cornered.

"Spit it out!"

"Claire Edwards!" Adam threw a hand over his mouth the moment he said it but Drew grinned and he knew that it was too late to take it back...

* * *

A/N: Oh rumors do spread fast at Degrassi. Especially ones like this. Haha. That means trouuubbbllee for everyone!

Please Reveiw. :)

Until next weekend - 911ost at sea


	5. Claireification

Disclaimer: Facts in this story will NOT always match up to the show's facts, so just go along with it. haha

_The next morning..._

Adam heard footsteps cascade down the hall like rocks pounding on a tile floor. The sound was immediately followed by a sobbing figure running towards him. A figure which, as it grew nearer, he came to recognize as Claire. But she wasn't the sweet, perky Claire he was used to seeing. In fact she was the exact opposite of her normal self. Her hair was in tangled disarray reflecting the disorderly slant in her clothing and giving the impression that she had just run a marathon in her uniform. But her face said otherwise. Though most of it was buried in her hands, it was still obvious from the red tear stains branded on her cheeks that she had been crying.

Adam stepped sideways into the crowd when he saw her heading in his direction. He thought for sure that she was going to attack him and frankly, he didn't blame her if she did. He deserved it. He had told his brother that she was pregnant. Not only was it a lie, but it was a lie about one of his best friends. He already regretted the things he had said to her at her house, now he had unintentionally started a rumor that would probably cause the thin strand of their friendship to sever completely.

He winced, bracing himself for the slap that he was certain was coming. But it didn't. Instead Claire darted right past him and he only caught a glimpse of her back before she disappeared into the girl's bathroom.

Loud whispers where reverberating among the onlookers when a frantic Eli flew in from around the corner. As the students surrounding Adam began to disperse he became exposed to the world again, fully vulnerable to being spotted by Eli as he hurried towards him.

"Did Claire come down this way?" He panted.

Adam nodded. He was momentarily at a loss of words, so weighed down by guilt that he feared all his secrets would just start pouring out if he opened his mouth.

"Well where did she go?"

Adam pointed to the door marked 'Girls'.

Eli scanned the door from top to bottom like he was sizing up an enemy. He shook his head smirking devilishly, "If she honestly believes that a tacky symbol on a door is going to keep me from going inside then she really doesn't know me very well. Come on Adam." He grabbed Adams arm, pushing the door open with his foot.

Adam jerked away, cringing at even the slightest touch.

"I can't go in there."

Eli gave him an odd look, "Why not?"

"...Because...it's the girls room."

"Since when do you pass up an opportunity to be my partner in crime?"

_Since he started a rumor that made him dread the thought of facing Claire_, "I just want to sit this one out." He mumbled.

Eli frown, looking a little shameful, "Come on, I need an accomplice to work with me on this. Don't get me wrong, I love Claire and all but she can get kind of scary when she's this upset so I'm going to need a witness to vaudge for me if things go sour."

Adam despised his inability to deny a friend in need. He yearned to turn the other way and pretend like nothing was going on, but the pleading glimmer in Eli's eyes made him stay. "Alright...I'll try to help."

"Excellent."

They casually squeezed past the door. Claire was hunched over the sink bawling her eyes out next to the faucet. She jumped up at the sight of Adam and Eli, obviously startled by there presence.

"You—you—you shouldn't b—be in here." She stumbled, hastily wiping her eyes so that the remnants of her tears looked more like smears of red crayon on her flesh.

Eli took a step closer, "Just tell me what happened, Claire. I want to help."

Claire shook her head in protest, "I can't it's just awful!"

"That's why you have to tell us. I can't help if I don't know what it is that's bothering you."

Claire turned away, gathering several long drawing breaths before speaking. "The whole school thinks I'm...pregnant."

_"What?"_ Eli gasped.

Adam stayed silent.

"Oh and I'm sure you know nothing about it." Claire sneered.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know."

"No I don't think I do actually. Why don't you _clarify_ it for me?"

Claire spun around on the spot, her face hot with anger, "Don't try to be funny with me Eli! There's nothing funny about this, it's serious."

Eli put his hands up in surrender, "I know, I know. Don't worry, I'll find out who started the rumor and I'll personally kick their ass."

Claire folded her arms, "Well you better be pretty flexible because I'm pretty sure I'm staring at the culprit right now?"

"Me?" Eli said, pointing a finger at his own chest. "You can't be serious. Why the hell would say that I got my girlfriend pregnant?"

"I don't think you told anyone I was pregnant, but I do know that guys like to _brag _about certain aspects of their relationship and it only takes one person to misunderstand and the whole thing is up in smoke!"

Eli raised an eyebrow, "You're talking about sex right?"

"If you want to be that blunt about it, yes."

He rolled his eyes, "We haven't even _had_ sex yet Claire. Why would I brag about something that didn't happen?"

"I'm your editor in English class Eli and I know that you're perfectly capable of making up something like that." She bowed her head down towards her feet, "It must be hard to have a girlfriend who won't have sex until marriage. I think that you made up some story or accidentally told someone that we fooled around and they took it the wrong way and now here we are..."

Eli gripped Claire's shoulders firmly, "Claire you know me. You know I would never tell someone I had sex with you just to feel better about myself. Can't you see how completely ridiculous you sound right now?"

Claire smacked his hand away from her arms, "So now I'm being ridiculous?"

Eli opened his mouth, searching for the right way to respond, "Well...kinda...Adam back me up on this."

Up until that point Adam had been quite content with being an undistinguished piece of scenery. He had watched the two bicker back and forth but he couldn't bring himself to intervene. He knew that he would only make matters worse. But now the spotlight was on him, the tension radiating off Claire and Eli's bodies like two feral cats as they awaited his response.

It wasn't until just now that Claire acknowledged the fact that Adam was even in the room and with her piercing eyes suddenly upon him he felt as though the temperature in the room had gone up a thousand degrees.

"I...I..."

"Don't bring Adam into this!" Claire pouted, "He has nothing to do with it."

Adam felt his blood run cold and his breakfast began to stir in the pit of his stomach. But he refused to allow his mounting panic to become apparent on his face and he fought relentlessly to keep a calm exterior.

"Claire please," Eli begged, "You have to believe me, I had nothing to do with this. You're being so irrational!"

"Just leave me alone!" She shouted, shoving Eli hard in the chest.

"Claire I—"

"_Go_!"

At first it seemed like Eli was going to argue the subject further but his instincts must have kicked in and told him to lay off because he took a few trifling steps backwards before turning and storming out, causing the door to swing restlessly in his wake.

Something about Eli's sudden absence made Adam realize just how serious this had become. He had to tell Claire the truth. He couldn't let Eli take the fall for something he had nothing to do with.

"Claire wait." Adam's voice was soft but firm. He only wanted to have to say this once, "Don't blame Eli for this. It really wasn't his fault...it was me."

Claire's arms dropped to her sides and her eyes widened to the size of golf balls, "It was _you_?"

"It was an accident Claire." Adam pleaded, than it came before he could stop it, the truth rolled off his tongue in an uncontrollable spasm, "I bought a pregnancy test yesterday, Drew walked in and I panicked. I didn't know what to tell him. He had me in a corner and with the argument you and I had earlier you were the first person that came to mind. I'm sorry Claire. I'm so sorry."

Claire suddenly loosened, "Adam, why did you have a pregnancy test?"

Adam's stomach jumped up into his throat. He rushed to the sink, gripping the ceramic edges as he gagged into the plumbing. But nothing came up. He had nothing left.

He raised his head an inch and saw himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and misty. "I'm a guy Claire...these kinds of things don't happen to guys..."

"What things?"

"_Pregnancy_." Adam whispered.

Claire gasped, "...Adam I thought—"

"That I liked girls? Yes I do. I'm a guy Claire. A guy."

Claire hesitated, wrapping her mind around what she was trying to say, "If you like girls then...why would you have sex with a boy?"

"I didn't!" Adam was overcome by emotions, both resentful and sad. There was no point in trying to hide it now, "I didn't want to!"

Claire's delicate hands shot up over her mouth in shock. She carefully took a step towards him, "Are you saying you were..._raped_?"

Adam turned his head to her with desperate, terror filled eyes, "You can't tell anyone! It was over and month ago and I don't even remember the kids name. I have it all under control now so don't say _anything_ about it!"

"But Adam if you're buying pregnancy tests than you obviously don't have things under control."

"I do! I'm in control. Besides I don't even know if the test will be positive."

Claire took a deep breath, eyeing the open bathroom stall, "There's only one way to find out..."

Adam gulped pulling the pregnancy test out of his backpack. He started towards the stall looking back at Claire who nodded to him encouragingly, "It will be okay." She assured him but even she seemed to have little faith in her words.

He closed the stall, staring deeply into the blank gray oval on the pregnancy test that would soon determine his future, and the future of the child that may or may not be growing in his stomach at that very moment. He went through the process as slowly as possible, drawing out every moment as if it would help prolong the outcome.

When he emerged his skin was paler than the whitest day of winter and his legs were shaking so violently that he had to lean on the trash can for support. He placed the test on the sink, not wanting to hold it in his hands. That would make it his property. By touching it he claimed the responsibility for whatever the result may be and he didn't want that. As long as it wasn't physically in his hands when he read the results he could convince himself it was someone else's.

Claire remained silent while they waited but based on the worry lines etched into her forehead it was safe to say that she was experiencing the same nerve wracking tension as Adam was.

"Adam," Claire cooed, "...it's time to look."

Adam, who had buried his face in his hands, now looked up to face his doom. He took a deep breath, preserving the air in his lungs like it was the last breath he'd ever take. Together he and Claire approached the test with so much caution that you'd think they were trying to tiptoe past a sleeping lion.

Noticing the trembling in Adams hands, Claire took the liberty of taking the test from the sink. She held it out...

..._positive_.

Claire was mystified as she stared at it unable to look away.

"Oh my god..." She whispered, "...What are you going to do?"

* * *

A/N: This chapter felt a little rushed to me and I apologize for that. I had a bit of writers block this week. In my opinion Claire is just way out of line with Eli, but she's Claire so... Plus I just read the Munro Chambers interview. I can't believe he's 20! That makes me so sad because I'm only 15 and I feel like he's so much older!

I was also distracted because Harry Potter is only a week away so I'm **freaking** **out**! Haha

All those going to the midnight movie and getting there three hours ahead of time like me say 'I'!

-911ost at sea


	6. To Be or Not to Be?

"Adam…" Clare whispered to her seemingly nonresponsive friend, "Adam say something."

But Adam couldn't coax his lips into forming words. He just stood there completely motionless, struggling to comprehend what was happening yet not wanting to all at the same time. His conflicting emotions began to well up within his chest like lava building up in a volcano, on the verge of erupting. And before he knew was gasping for air. His brain was pounding against his skull, the pressure building behind his eye sockets causing the room to tilt and sway. He stumbled backward into the wall.

_What was happening…_

_ …how did it get to this…_

"Clare I can't." Adam croaked, the inside of his throat burned and scratched like he had just swallowed a galleon of charcoal. "I can't be…I don't know how to…oh my god…oh my god Clare…" His back slid down the wall and his heart was pounded hard against his rib cage. Clare hastily grabbed a handful of paper towels and ran them under cold water. Kneeling down beside Adam she took his wrists and wrapped the towel around them.

"Here, this helps." She said, purposely avoiding his eyes.

Adam was grateful for this. He didn't want her to see him crying. He didn't want to appear to be weaker than he already was.

Clare waited patiently as Adam slowly began to clam. In a shaky voice he whispered, "What am I going to do Clare? I—I mean I can't…have a _baby_. And on top of that I've completely ruin the lives of my two best friends."

"Oh, don't worry about that." Said Clare soothingly, "It's not like this is the first fight Eli and I have had, things have been pretty rocky between us even before today, but we'll work through it." She flashed him half a smile, "So don't blame yourself, okay?"

Adam sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "I just don't know any more Clare."

"About what?"

"Anything, everything. It's all backwards now."

Clare searched for words of encouragement but when she found none she just nodded sadly.

"I mean, I'm a _guy_ Clare. This isn't right for a guy. Could you imagine how ridiculous I would look walking around school as a pregnant _dude_?" The image of this seemed to flash in both of their mind for a moment until Adam shook his head furiously, "No! No I—I can't do it Clare. I just can't."

Clare placed a steady hand on his knee but he jerked away quickly, hugging his legs closer to his chest, vaguely wondering if hugging his knees hard enough would crush the baby. No, but it wasn't a baby. It was a fetus. Still just an embryo. A thing. An it. A nothing. This comforted Adam a bit, but it didn't, by any means make the situation any less disastrous.

Adam quickly got to his feet, suddenly overcome by nervous energy. "I'm going to have to get rid of it Clare." He said as he paced.

"Get rid of it?" Clare took a while to process this than shot Adam a look of pure horror, "No Adam, please. You can't do that. There are better options than killing an innocent child."

Adam almost wanted to laugh. An innocent child? Nothing about it was even remotely innocent. The child, no, the fetus was the devil in Adam's eyes. Just a monstrous blob that grew within him, not a child, not even a human, just pure evil set out to ruin Adam's life forever. "Clare, I really don't need your Christian church girl plea right now, okay?"

"No." Said Clare firmly, "It's not okay to me. I'm sorry if I seem indelicate but, excuse me if I find the cold blooded murder of a child a bit disturbing."

"Fetus." Adam corrected.

Clare waved him away, "It's still a child, Adam. It has a heart, lungs, even eyes."

"Stop!" Adam shouted so loud that the walls gave a brief shutter. He couldn't bear to hear any more of Clare's ranting. He didn't like to think of it like that. Giving it human qualities, would classify it as just that, human. And that's not what it was. It was a beast, clawing Adam away from the inside out. It was easier if Adam thought of it like that. That way he felt less like a murderer and more of a hero in some respect. Like he was vanquishing the darkness within him.

Clare rubbed her forehead, "And in any case, what do you plan to do? Just walk into an Abortion Clinic dressed like a boy. I'm not an expert, but I don't think it's likely that they'll take you seriously."

"I still have some of Gracie's old cloths," Said Adam, grimacing as the name slipped past his lips, "I think I can handle being Gracie for one day." _Anything to get this over with_. Adam thought, but he dare not say that aloud in front of Clare at the risk of her covering his locker with crosses and spaying holy water on his text books.

But a strange misplaced looking smile crept over her face, and frankly, this scared Adam more than the thought of her covering his walls with pages from the bible.

"What?" Asked Adam.

Clare moved towards him, "That's it." She said brilliantly, "You could be Gracie."

Adam raised an eyebrow, "That's what I just said."

Clare shook her head, a wild look filling her eye, "No I mean, _become_ Gracie again. Just until the baby is born. It wouldn't look too conspicuous and you can put it up for adoption than go back to being Adam again." She snapped her fingers, "Just like that. The best part is that no one has to get hurt."

Adam wasn't quite sure who Clare was referring to, but he knew that it wasn't him. It was far too late to talk about not getting hurt when the wounds upon his soul had already been inflicted. Everything from that moment on was just going to make things worse, no matter what he did.

"Look Clare. I know this is all, against your religion but try to see things from my perspective for once. For one, why would I want to carry around a constant reminder of that night? And Two, I can't be Gracie anymore Clare. I never was Gracie to begin with. I was trapped when I was her. No offense, but I won't risk what little sanity I have left for the sake of a fetus."

"Baby." Clare corrected, folding her arms across her blazer. "It's a baby Adam, whether you want to admit it or not, that's what it is. You can't change it just by giving it a demeaning name. It's still a beating heart on the face of this earth and if you can't find the courage to see just how sacred that it, than you are not the person I thought you were." With that Clare turned and exited the bathroom, leaving Adam alone once again.

His shoulders slumped and he leaned over the sink. Clare didn't understand. How could she be s selfish about this? Couldn't she see that he was in pain too?

In the corner of Adam's eye, he saw the door swing open, and for a moment he thought it was Clare, coming back to apologize. But it wasn't. Some freshman girl had walked in, stopping dead in her tracks when she caught sight of Adam, or a boy rather, standing so plainly in the girl's bathroom. Her eyes widened and she gave a small shriek before running out of the bathroom.

Red in the face, Adam tried to exit calmly and coolly, careful not to arise any suspicion. But no one though much of him as he rejoined the herd of students shuffling the halls to their next class. This seemed odd to Adam. His entire life had just changed so much in the last ten minutes and yet no one even bothered to look up when he passed. The panic and confusion swirling inside him should have been strong enough to feel from miles away, but it wasn't. It was confined within him. Locked in his skin. And no one felt it but him.

His thoughts plagued him the rest of the day, causing the rest of the world to dissolve in blackness, as his anxiety consumed him. The thoughts followed him home and into his bed, even into his dreams.

That night he dreamt of babies covered in black ash, their eyes red with evil, yet their laughter rang in the air like bells on Christmas day. But when Adam tried to hold one of the babies it simply fell apart in his arms, leaving behind small traces of ash in his palms. Adam screamed and jolted upright in his bed.

His stomach churned. He wanted to bash his stomach in right now. Punch himself until the churning stopped and the beating of its heart ceased. Than he could just be Adam again. One person. One life.

But he was far too exhausted to do anything so strenuous so he wiggled beneath his sheets, which were now soaked with his sweat. He folded his pillow over his ears and waited for the world to stop turning.

Of course it didn't. But Adam did find himself in another horrifying dream very shortly after…

_Rachel and Tyler were dancing in the crowd….Rachel's thighs brushing up against his. Their beer bottled clinging in the air as they held them up…His hand tussling the strands of her hair as they drew closer…Their lips touching, gently at first then passionately…his hands filling in the curves of his hips…Hot, sticky bubbles in Gracie's stomach bursting like fire in her chest and inside her very heart…_

"_You should be dancing." _

_Gracie whirls around, and sees the face. _His_ face. It's features blocked out by shadow, but it's voice soft…gentle…kind…_

"_I don't dance." Says Gracie. She turns away, but Rachel and Tyler have already disappeared in the crowd. _

_His face pops up over her shoulder…his breath like toxic waste rotting in a sewer… "A pretty girl like you? I don't believe it." _

_Tears pool in Gracie's eyes, she needs to find Rachel, she doesn't know why. She doesn't even know what she wants to say to her, but she just has to find her, "I have to go." She says, but he grabs Gracie's arm. She turns around, confused._

"_So soon?" He asks, his teeth white and pearly. They mesmerize her…she smiles too…_

Adam woke up drenched in sweat, and he rolled to the edge of his bed as he gave several dry heaves over the side of his mattress. His arms trembled so he lowered himself back down on the bed, taking in air so fast that the thought his lungs would give out. Why wouldn't it stop! Why wouldn't it leave him alone! Adam flailed in his sheets, punching and kicking, tossing and turning, but none of it helping…none of it able to erase that night from his memory.

The next day, Adam wandered the hallways of school, half in a trance, half wishing he could drop dead right then and there.

He turned the corner and _wham_, paper's and books took flight in the air.

"Oh my god. I am so sorry." Said Jenna, struggling to squat low enough to reach her text book.

"Let me do that." Adam offered and he quickly gathered her things in a less than organized pile. He pursed his lips, "Um…here. Sorry, it's kind of a mess."

Jenna giggled, "Don't worry about it. It's my fault for running into you like that. I swear they should make headlights for these things." She smiled, patting the bump in her stomach.

Adam unknowingly began staring. Not so much at Jenna, but the thought of this being _him_ one day completely baffled him.

Jenna cleared her throat loudly.

"Oh god, I—I'm sorry." Adam stuttered, "I wasn't trying—I mean…" His face filled with color and he lowered his head in hopes that she wouldn't notice.

She didn't, or at least she pretended not to. "It's okay. I'm used to it now."

"But doesn't it bother you?" Adam found himself asking.

Jenna shrugged, stuffing her books into her shoulder bag, "I admit it did at first but not anymore. I realized that it's not really _me_ that people are staring at, it's the baby. People are just fascinated by it." She smiled, "It may sound silly but I think my baby is going to be a rock star one day."

Adam half smiled, "Is that so?"

Jenna blushed, "Well when I'm walking down the street or the hallway for just about anywhere, and everyone stares at my baby I can't help but think, wow, this baby is going to be famous on day. Just look at how many fans he has already."

Adam let out a strange sound. It was so foreign to him that he wasn't exactly sure what it was at first. It took him a few seconds to realize that he was laughing, and Jenna was too.

When their laugher died down Adam said, "Well, your boyfriend is very lucky."

Jenna frown, "I don't have a boyfriend. Not anymore anyway."

Adam slapped his head with his hand, "Wow, I'm an ass. I'm so sorry."

"No, it alright." Jenna assured him, "I'm better off without him anyway." She looked at the bulge in her belly lovingly, "Me and my baby."

Adam's eyebrows furrowed, "So you're going to have you baby alone? Aren't you scared?"

"Not really. In a way, I feel kind of lucky. This little baby is helpless without someone to take care of it, and the fact that I get the honor of guarding something so fragile really makes me feel special. Or at least that's what I tell myself." She shrugged, "Whatever gets you through the day right?"

Adam nodded, "I just never thought of being a teenage mother as being an honor before."

"I never said it was a _distinguished_ honor."

"True."

"Anyway, I have to get to class."

"Right, me too." Said Adam, "I—I'll see ya around then."

Jenna hugged her bag to her side, "Yes I suppose I will."

Adam was deep in a daze during English class, his mind reeling and re-reeling like the tape on a projector spinning around and around and endless wheel.

How could Jenna be so positive about being pregnant? How could she not be scared out of her mind?

"Adam!"

Adam bolted upright at the sound of his name. Mrs. Dawes was standing over him. Arms crossed, foot tapping harshly on the tiled floor.

"Since you are insist on day dreaming during my lesson Mr. Torres than why don't you translate the next few lines in the text for us."

"Uh…" Adam goggled, flipping through the pages of Hamlet.

"Page eighty seven, act three scene one." Snapped Mrs. Dawes.

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:" Adam looked up at her and she nodded for him to continue, he took a deep breath, "Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer, The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them? To die."

"Care to translate for us, Mr. Torres."

Adam wiggled around uncomfortably, "Well, He's questioning whether to continue to exist or not - whether it's nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of an unbearable situation, or to just give up, and admit defeat. End it all together..."

A fleeting look of astonishment fell over Mrs. Dawes's face. But it drained away just as quickly, and she decided to test Adam further, "And what is your take on this Mr. Torres? If it where up to you, what would you do? Would you care to be, or not to be?"

Adam opened his mouth, than shut it again as a sudden wave of realization swept over him, hitting him like a truck going a hundred miles an hour on a freeway. It was clear now. God, it was so clear that he didn't know how he didn't see it before.

He jumped up from his chair, startling Mrs. Dawes into leaping backward, "Mr. Torres, what in the world—"

"I'm sorry." He said, "I have to go right now."

He ran out of the room before Mrs. Dawes, or anyone for that matter, could stop him. He raced down the hallways and banged on the door of room E110. The class inside all turned to see the source of the loud pounding. Among the many eyes watching him, Adam managed to spot Clare's. He waved her to come to the door.

Her eyes wide with surprise, and maybe even fear, Adam saw her say something to the teacher before getting up and walking to the door, shutting it softly behind her.

"Are you out of your mind?" She fumed, slapping him hard in the shoulder, "You're going to get me in trouble."

"I—I" Adam, said between his panting, "I'm doing it."

"Doing what?"

"Having the…baby."

Clare's face lit up at once and she flung her arms around Adam's scrawny figure, "I knew you would come around." She said into his ear, than she pulled away, "What changed your mind?"

Adam shrugged, "I don't know exactly. We were reading Hamlet in class and it just occurred to me that I could end it but it wouldn't take back the memories of what happened that night and this could be the only good thing to come out of that night."

"I'm not sure I'd go so far as to call it a _good_ thing."

"No, no it is." Adam insisted, feeling empowered by new knowledge, "Think about it. Everything that happened that night was completely awful but maybe bringing a new life into this world from it would help balance the bad with some good." When Clare gave him a funny look he added, "It was just an idea."

Clare smiled whole heartedly, "Well I'm so proud of you. And don't worry, I'll be here to help you through every step, okay?"

"Good, now all I have to do is tell my mom…" His face flooded with a mixture of green and yellow, "Oh, shit."

A/N: probably a lot of typos. It was just so long and I didn't have time to edit it today. Wah. Oh well, hope you enjoyed. Don't worry, better stuff will come in the next few chapters. Yippie! Haha. Okay, no.

See you soon

-911ost at sea


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